With the Stanford rape case all over the place in the last few days, it’s become more apparent just how fucked up our culture is. A white, well-to-do, cis-gender, heterosexual male athlete can brutally rape someone in a dark alley and have very few repercussions. That’s disgusting. And unfortunately, common. A very high number of rape victims don’t report the crime…for many reasons – shame, fear, not wanting to recount the attack and relive it, but perhaps most importantly, because much of society will side with the attacker rather than the victim. Oh, sure, some will feel badly for the victim, but look at what has happened with this case: he got a slap on the wrist from the judge and his father described it as “20 minutes of action.” Seriously? That’s the reaction for such a heinous crime? If he were black, this story would be very different. If she were black, we probably wouldn’t have heard the story at all. If the story had involved members of the LGBTQ+ community, we either wouldn’t have heard about it or it would fuel the fire of the right winged anti-gay political candidates who don’t want people to be able to pee in public restrooms. But the story doesn’t involve any of “those” people, and instead is a simple and revolting look at the magnitude of the rape culture we have around us. And running through us.

As women, we’re taught that being pretty stands above any other qualities. Men tell us to “smile, honey” as we walk down the street. And we do. Why? Because, “Look mother fucker, I’m running late for an appointment and need to find this address, so I don’t need your objectification clouding my focus,” just isn’t ladylike. And beyond that, we’re taught that making a man angry could threaten our safety. We’re taught that “boys will be boys,” that when they poke, punch, chase, kick, or throw things at us as children, it’s because they like us. And we’re all taught that’s okay. That’s what’s supposed to happen. So when we grow up, we’re supposed to take it as a compliment when they hurt us. So we smile, because being paid the compliment of, “See, you’re so much prettier now,” though demeaning as fuck, is much easier to deal with than the possible vengeful reaction that may come if we stand up for ourselves. And because of this, it’s somehow our fault if anything bad happens. Instead of teaching men and boys to control themselves, we’ve taught women and girls to tiptoe around and control ourselves in order to prevent any sort of outburst that could put us in danger. Because men and boys are dangerous.

This kind of societal outlook is not only damaging to us, but also to them! “Hello there, little boy. You’re a menace. You’re allowed to behave in complete asinine ways and injure anyone you’d like along the way. You are not allowed to show any kind of emotion, and in fact, we encourage you to suppress all emotion until it wells inside you as rage. Meaningful connections with other humans are definitely out of the question, as that would put you at risk for feeling and expressing emotion. Stick your dick in anything that moves, whether the recipient is into it or not. You have the power. Power is all that matters.” <– What an awful message!

I sincerely hope, for the Stanford rape victim’s sake and the sake of all of us, that the media and social attention this is getting doesn’t just last a few days and fizzle out like so many other fads. I hope we can wake up and make some meaningful change. We need good sex education and consent education in our schools. Abstinence only education, or a complete lack of information altogether has put us on this path of destruction. Let’s change that. Let’s start teaching children about their bodies and boundaries, about the fact that everyone has different boundaries and those must be respected, about the changes their bodies go through, and when it comes time for them to start asking questions about sex, let’s teach them with quality about safe practices. Let’s work together toward prevention and put an end to rape culture.

Human Connection

So, I’ve decided to make an attempt at something interesting. I’d like to stop measuring my life in time and start measuring it in human connection. It’s an idea spawned by a combination of a training by Elizabeth Gilbert at the Pure Romance World Conference in Orlando and the death of Prince. (Yeah, seriously. The man didn’t age. He claimed it’s because he didn’t believe in time.)

Time is stress. We’re always rushing to meet deadlines and we put our goals into timelines. We feel as though we haven’t accomplished anything unless we’ve accomplished EVERYTHING by a certain time. We never have enough time, wishing there were more hours in the day. And it’s awful. It makes us unnecessarily busy. Not productive. Busy. We don’t lead full lives. We lead busy lives. So, that sucks. And I’m trying to be done with it. (With a rather hefty emphasis on trying.)

In what I do for a living (ya know, that whole in-home-parties-with-private-consultations-after-the-presentation thing), there’s a huge opportunity for human connection. Real connection. Meaningful connection. So I’m going to change up a little bit about what I do at my parties to foster that. I’m also going to change up some of what I do in my VIP Lounge on Facebook to foster it more within my business VIPs.

We all crave human connection, and yet we’re so busy and so fucking distracted by social media and the million tiny tasks we absolutely MUST do each and every day that we don’t get enough of it. Because what I do is inherently fun and offers an excuse to actually get together with friends (which so rarely happens in person anymore), I’m really excited for what this could mean not only for my life but for the lives of those at my parties – my hostesses, their friends and family members, and my VIPs. So, here’s to a few minor tweaks that could cause a ripple effect for major change! *cheers*

All That Glitters


Prince. This name – this man – has changed the world. Musically, he was incredibly talented. He could play any instrument handed to him with grace and ease, had a nearly unmatched vocal range, and could write a hit pop song with the snap of a finger. He controlled the way people experienced his music in ways no other artist has – YouTube and Pandora be damned! And he explored topics in his music most people are afraid to discuss…I know they’re afraid to discuss them, because those discussions are my job.

Walking the lines of gender and sexuality as if there were no lines made his image and ultimately paved the way for the current LGBT+ “movement” toward acceptance. His career will be remembered with his expansive oeuvre, but he’s left a mark on the world outside of the music industry. He defied what it means to be a man and introduced the world to gender-bending ideas well before they were commonplace – not just with his look, as artists such as Elton John and David Bowie had done in the past, but with hit pop song lyrics like 1984’s I Would Die 4 U’s opening lines of, “I’m not a woman. I’m not a man. I am something that you’ll understand.”

That song was perhaps my first look at gender in a non-binary way. I remember hearing Prince’s Batdance for the first time – I was 7 at the time, and an instant fan. I had already fallen in love with Purple Rain, Little Red Corvette, and Raspberry Beret. He and Michael Jackson always rivaled one another (unbeknownst to them) for my favorite artist as a child, though at some point Prince surpassed Michael Jackson, while Man In the Mirror remains my favorite song of all time…with 7 coming in at a VERRRRRY close second. In middle and high school, I scoured Hastings for albums that I didn’t already own, to fill my collection of Prince’s music, and often listened with new ears as I delved into my teen-angst-laden path of self-discovery. “I’m not a woman. I’m not a man. I am something that you’ll never understand.” Those words. They changed me. I’m definitely a cis-woman, though I’ve certainly gone through my own journey of gender questioning and a variety of gender expressions, and those words were the beginning of that journey, which is a journey I think everyone should take. Explore yourself! Check out all the nooks and crannies that are YOU and see how they feel! Prince certainly did. Masculine and feminine all at once – simultaneous extremes represented in harmony. And it was beautiful.

060712-music-evolution-PrinceI was chatting with a couple of friends yesterday just after we learned of the artist’s death, and one of them said she heard that when he dated Carmen Electra, he required her to be “ready,” in full makeup, hair, lashes and all at all hours of the day, because she never knew when he would call and request her presence. While from any other man that would seem extremely misogynistic, as a feminist, I don’t actually find any problem with it coming from Prince. Why? Because there’s no double standard there! You KNOW he was in full regalia at all times! Even the candid shots of him in Hawai’i, sans heels and frill, show him clad in luxury, perfectly coiffed. He may have had high standards for the people surrounding him in his life, but he certainly didn’t have any lower standards for himself.

Those standards perhaps formed the basis for his success. Few artists seem so focused on their careers…no, let’s not go with the career aspect. Few artists seem so focused on their calling. The music itself, rather than the fact that it was his livelihood, appeared to be his main focus in life. An obsession. That kind of focus undoubtedly leads to success in any field. Tunnel vision toward one goal, without allowing for distractions is quite possibly a “success secret” we could all learn from, especially given the constant barrage of distractions we all experience in our current social-media-crazed culture. Maybe we don’t need all of the self-help gurus teaching us how to climb to success. What if all we need to do is look within, explore ourselves, and express that exploration through our passions? That’s a world I’d love to experience! And Prince sortof gave us permission to do that.

ws8w93tcnsoyzctkqqde  At some point, we all look back on our lives and see the things we did in our past. Sometimes we regret them. Other times we smile and remember the glory, the fun, and the lessons we learned. What’s the saying? Something like, “If you’re not a liberal when you’re young, you have no heart. If you’re not a conservative when you’re old, you have no brain.” (Attributed to a million people with a variety of ages standing in for “young” and “old” respectively.) Since his conversion to being a Jehovah’s Witness in 2001, and a refusal to play much of his earlier music that didn’t align with his later beliefs, I can’t help but wonder if he looked at his career with regret. Would he have changed it if he could? Would he have gone back and NOT explored sexuality in the same ways? Obviously, we can’t know that for sure, though I have no doubt it came up in conversation, so it’s possible that someone has the answer to those questions.

We can only hope that his mark left on the world will not be in vain; that we know we’re in a better social place because of Prince, his music, and his image; that his last decades on this earth were not filled with regret for his legacy; and that we can all embrace a little bit of his passion, focus, and exploration to enhance our lives, relationships, and those around us. Exploration: permission granted.



Breaking Up with Expectations

Clearly this whole consistent blogging thing isn’t working out for me. There’s not a lot I do consistently…but being inconsistent. THAT, you can just about bet on. So, I’m giving myself permission to say “fuck it,” not make promises, not make commitments, and not beat myself up for not following through with something. Do I want to have a fabulous blog? Sure. I also want to have a great YouTube channel. I want to be able to deliver fantastic information to people in an effective way. But it’s just not in the cards for right now. And that’s okay. As I said, I’m giving myself permission to NOT do it perfectly, and that’s something we all think we need. Permission.

It’s an interesting thing, permission. For some reason, we’ve gotten it in our heads that we need someone else to approve of what we’re doing or not doing, where we’re going or not going, who we are or are not. But why? We put so much pressure on ourselves to do, go, say, be absolutely perfect that we end up instead being paralyzed. And then we’re no good to ourselves or anybody else.

When it comes to what I do for a living, permission plays a big part as well. What I’ve found is that in my parties, I’m effectively giving women permission to explore themselves on levels they’ve never felt allowed to; giving women permission to own their sensuality; giving women permission to grow and become more powerful…and from the business side, I’m giving my team members permission to empower themselves and other women and find pieces of themselves they didn’t even know were lost. Why we feel as though we need that permission is a diatribe for another time, but the fact that via a simple and fun “party” in a woman’s home for a handful of her friends, we as Pure Romance Consultants provide that permission is vital for the growth and positive change of our culture toward the safety of women and gender equality.

Thankfully, that permission is granted whether or not my extracurricular business practices, like blogging and putting up YouTube videos are consistent or not!

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Passion P

It is with a mixture of emotions that I announce a HUGE change to my business. Monday morning, I awoke to the news that David Bowie had passed away. (That’s not the news. lol) I grew up listening to him, with my first introduction being as Jareth, the Goblin King. I watched that movie REPEATEDLY as a kid… Who am I kidding? I still do. lol But that was how a very raw, emotionally charged day began. At 1pm that afternoon, I got word that my company had been sold…to our biggest competitor. I was shocked. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Literally. Nauseated. I felt betrayed. Lost. Angry. No, no. Not angry. Infuriated. Enraged. Fire probably shot out of my eyes. And I very seriously contemplated walking away from my career…for about three minutes.

Once I threw myself a pity party, in my car, in the parking lot of the post office where I was going to drop off my team newsletters, I remembered why I do what I do. I am unapologetically passionate (no pun intended) about empowering people to embrace the most intimate parts of themselves, and educating them on the ways and the whys of doing just that! (I still haven’t sent those newsletters. I need to add something to them now. Something like, “Oh, just go ahead and disregard that Vegas Convention stuff and go to World Conference in Orlando.”

I firmly believe that what we, as a field force, do is important. There is so little education surrounding healthy, safe sexuality in our culture that by the time we reach adulthood, we’re so confused about everything, we don’t even know where to begin. I’m continually amazed at the little amount women know about their own bodies. And if you don’t know your own body, how can you effectively communicate what works for your body to your partner? Oh! That’s right! You can’t! What I do has nothing to do with my supplier of products – my corporate partner. What I do has everything to do with gathering people together in a fun, safe, comfortable atmosphere to provide infotainment regarding a topic so few people can talk openly about. It’s about allowing people permission to explore themselves. It’s about bringing people closer together in their intimacy. Quite frankly, it’s about passion!

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not all sunshine and rainbows about this transition just yet, but I’ve embraced the idea that we’re all out doing the same thing, no matter whether the corporate offices are in Vegas or Cincinnati. Of course, I’ve had to swallow my pride and let go of some misconceptions. We all heard stories about “them” and “their parties,” from hostesses, clients, and other consultants. But the thing is, they’ve heard the same things about US! Not all of the Pure Romance field is thrilled about letting us in!

I’ve cried buckets of tears. BUCKETS! For a variety of reasons, both positive and negative. But I genuinely believe this will be a positive direction for our field, my team, and my personal business. Plus, the Pure Romance Cancun incentive trip overlaps with the Passion Parties Costa Rica incentive trip, and they’re giving us the prizes for contests that have yet to end! So it looks like I’ll be earning two trips at once! I’m okay with the idea of going to Cancun for a third time in a one-year period. 😉

Now…to change alllllllllll of my social media accounts. Yikes! My web address is still the same. I changed the forwarding today, so it now goes to my Pure Romance site. Please check it out and see what you think! I’m REALLY looking forward to getting some feedback on the products from my clients, because I have no idea what any of it is! I’m super excited to get my kit in a couple days, because it’ll be like Christmas morning! I’m a bit giddy, as if I were a new consultant again. It’s kinda fun!

I’m super grateful to be an Independent Consultant and that my company was purchased by another, rather than simply closing. Instead of being laid off from a company as an employee (which happened when I was in non-profit, after I had been a part-time Passion Consultant for a year, and what forced me to confront my fear and take my business full-time) or having to start over with another company from scratch, I’m walking in to a similar product line with my team in tact and a new leadership title. I’m apparently a Senior Director! (Very fancy, I know!)

I’ll try to update this more frequently (already something I had planned for 2016) to document the transition and share some of the killer sex ed info I’ve found as I’ve poked around on the Pure Romance corporate site. 🙂

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