Ahhh… The orgasm!
Who doesn’t love the toe curling, body convulsing, extreme ecstasy of an intense climax?
Unfortunately, female orgasms can be hard to come by. But ladies, don’t despair. First of all, if you do have a hard time climaxing, know that you are not alone. According to Planned Parenthood, one in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex, and as many as 80% of women have difficulty climaxing from vaginal intercourse alone. Those are staggering statistics. Especially considering that 90% of men orgasm every time they have intercourse.
Second of all, just because you may have a hard time reaching orgasm while making love doesn’t mean you’ll have a hard time reaching orgasm n all situations.
Just like women come in all different shapes, sizes and colors, so too, do their sexual desires, turn-ons and hot spots. While some women are able to orgasm solely from intercourse, many others need clitoral stimulation to reach the “Big O.” Some women need other stimulants, like touching and kissing. Others are able to climax when vibrators are introduced and used during lovemaking. It’s impossible to list all the different scenarios for women to reach orgasm, but here are three ideas our Passion Parties experts recommend:
- Relax. For many women, orgasms are hard to reach because they cannot let go. It’s not a secret that women are often stereotyped as over-analyzers, and if you’ve ever been accused of this, take note: Over-analyzing can inhibit your ability to climax. If you are too busy thinking about what you look like or how long it’s taking, you are creating a mental roadblock on your journey to the Big O.
Start the night with a glass of wine, chamomile tea or whatever yummy beverage helps you to relax. Once you and your mate are playing, if a negative or worrisome thought creeps into your mind, shake it off and focus on something you really like in the moment. Maybe you like the way your partner’s tongue feels against your smooth skin, maybe you like your lover’s hot breath on your inner thigh, or maybe you’re enjoying the feeling of fullness as you’re penetrated. Focus your thoughts and energy on that, and get lost in it.
- Get on top. There are certain sexual positions that give more control to your partner (think missionary and doggie-style), and there are certain positions that give more control to you, such as being on top. When you’re on top, you’ll be able to control the angle, depth, speed and thrust intensity. Additional bonus: If you want clitoral stimulation, you’re in the perfect position.
- Teach by example. Your orgasm might simply be thwarted due to your partner not knowing what you want or like. If this is the case, there is an easy and sexy solution: Show your mate what you like. Using your fingers or a toy, show your lover exactly how you like it – how fast, how deep, how intense. After you’ve shown by example, ask your partner to put his or her fingers on top of yours or around yours (if using a toy) so your playmate can not only see how you like it, but s/he can also feel and eventually master what you like.
Finding your orgasm might take time and patience, and while that can be frustrating, try to remember that you’re not alone…and only practice makes perfect.